The headlines are filled up with the celebrity side of marital cheating. Today, we want to tell one sister's story of how she dealt with the brokenness of infidelity and to hear from a sister who was the other woman. We hear from not only the other woman but the man who betrayed her.
Sister betrayed: When I found out my mate was with another woman, I had a meltdown and let him know how much I hated all he was and all he did to me. Not because I hadn't had a clue; in my gut I knew, but in my heart I tried to rationalize and argue with my brain. I didn't want anyone to know, so my marriage had public and private life. He also told me I was crazy. By the time I did share with someone, I was almost bitter beyond repair. I called her and texted her to stay away from my man.
Sister with a promise of he’s leaving: I thought I was the victor and had the sense of this poor guy and he's my soul mate. Nothing in my mind made me feel I too was the one who was losing. I didn’t recognize there are three sides to the story. I thought I was the prize, had captured the man and he was coming to me. When truth came out, I too was betrayed. I had been told only one side of the story. I had had my own issues too. I was mad when she called me and mad with him when she called me. In the end I had done wrong to me and to her.
The brother in the middle of a mess he feels he created: I had lied, but I was confused. I didn’t feel like a man I felt better with her (the other woman) than with my wife. When I wanted to do my thing, I picked an argument. I started looking at her when my wife and me stopped communicating and things seemed to be falling a part in other parts of my life. It started with a conversation. I got something that I wasn’t getting at home. It was messed up and once in I lied to myself to stay in.
How the betrayed lived with infidelity and got her healing
As I said, I was the queen of bitterness and angry. I told everyone he was no good and tried to explain all that he had done for me. No one seemed to care; they noticed more of my emotional rage than my hurting hurt. I called her and told her to leave my man alone. Neither one of us confronted him. I brought my own life to a halt and didn't see all I was doing to me. I had a friend come to me to get some help and it was the best thing I could do for my life and well being.
10 Ways to Live Life like it Matters In the Midst of Betrayal from the LiveSisterLive Self-Care Coach
1. Don't shoot, don't kill, don't run him over with your car, feel inadequate or less than a woman. Also, don't hang the situation on you.
2. Express your anger, but in a constructive way and not hurtful to you.
3. Recognize if you had a role in the person being unfaithful. However, it’s also important to remember that you can't control anyone's behavior.
4. Protect your sanity and “guard your emotions”
5. Reminder yourself you are not responsible for the facts regardless of what you have been told
6. Talk to someone objective and non-judgmental (e.g. therapist or wise friend) and who you will not be afraid to give the facts too
7. Write down what you need to do to recover the relationship or move out of the relationship
8. Grieve the loss regardless of whether or not you stay or go
9. Take care of you by doing some new things in your life
10. Forgive yourself, forgive him and forgive her and move your life forward
If you are living with infidelity, reach out to LiveSisterLive so a self-care coach can help you...
